An Open Letter to the Girl on the Fence

Words by: Arianna Bernas, Year 13

So, you might be bisexual.

There’s a scene in Hairspray (you remember this) just after the cast finishes singing “Without Love”, and Miss Motormouth Maybelle finds out that her son Seaweed is involved in an interracial relationship. I’m going to tell you what she told him:

“Prepare yourself for a whole lotta stupid.”

I’m not going to pretend I fully understand what you’re going through. What I do know, is that you’re not going to be viewed as you should be. You should be viewed as just as if you were thinking about whether or not you really are a dog person, or if you’ve liked cats all along. I want you to be able to find yourself in the most complete and limitless way you possibly can. However this isn’t the case - many people remain, for the lack of a better word, stupid.

I’ve come to understand that bisexuality comes with a string of misconceptions that are often used to try and explain it.

To some, you’re a liar and you’re really gay.

To others, it’s just a phase you’re passing through to end up as--you guessed it--gay.

Many conservative adults will struggle to understand you. They’ll say you’re rebelling or something, maybe even call you unstable and fragile. You and I both know you’re neither of the two.

Perhaps the most popular explanation I’ve heard is that it’s just another excuse for you to be promiscuous and to achieve attention from males. This really annoys me, because it falls into the silly assumption that what you are simply vying for male attention, which is not the case. To many, bisexual women are just out to attract straight men, who, more often than not, are (disturbingly) aroused by it.

What a lot of people fail to understand is that bisexuality in itself is not a phase or something that you can shake off. You don’t get to shake off who you are.

It’s with ideas like these that people are going to attempt to box you in, and you and I both know you’re claustrophobic in every sense of the word. I would be worried, but then again I never took you for someone who made decisions based on what other people want. You’ve called yourself selfish for this reason, and I disagree. When it comes to your identity and your sexuality, you don’t owe anyone anything.

It’s awful that you are still a part of a city and a country that still struggles to fully accept homosexual, transgender and especially bisexual individuals. Much of the nation is in a constant tug of war with itself, trying to decide whether or not they’re comfortable accepting and representing LGBT love in mainstream society.

That being said, homosexuality at least gets some sort of mainstream representation. The Filipino LGBT community has a host of influential homosexual figures in pop culture that we all know, like Vice Ganda and Rajo Laurel. Unfortunately, only one or two are only rumoured to be bisexual. At least you’ve got tons of Hollywood superstars like Drew Barrymore and Angelina Jolie and Marlon Brando (Marlon Brando!!) to help you carve your own path.

I admit it: I’m scared. Not for me, but for you (someone has to be). In our world at the moment, people are still defined by their sexuality. This would be okay if all kinds of sexuality were viewed equally with no prejudice, but they’re not. You don’t like to be defined by a single word, and yet you may be in a position where that’s possible.

I don’t have advice, or anything useful. The best I can do is give you my definition of you, in case the world shakes you so hard that you forget:

You’re easily bored, and if you even got to this point of the letter I’ll have you know I’m very impressed. You love leggings and like your steak rare. You’re impulsive to the point of being reckless. But you’re brilliant and you see the world for all it is, was, and can be. You hate standing up but will do so for people you truly care about. Despite the fact that you don’t believe in commitment, you’re the most loyal person I will probably ever claim to know.

I say this because the world will squint at you and see only your sexuality, while the rest of you blurs into a haze. I never want you to forget that you are a conglomeration of everything you are and everything you will be.

Never forget that I’m with you, no matter what.

As seen in Winston's newest issue: Vol. 2 - Together

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