15 Stages of Playing a DOTA 2 Match

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Words by: Kevin Kuo, Year 13

1. Waiting for DOTA to update




Considering DOTA 2’s constant but random updates, in addition to the fantastic internet speed of the Philippines, you know this stage is always a blast.

2. Waiting for friends to update

3. 9/10 connected




Every game has that one person who fails to connect to the game for some reason, but we all know it’s because of their stone PC.

4. Picking heroes

5 man carry + 0 support = your average DOTA game

5. Arguing about mid lane

Because of the previous stage, you now have a Storm Spirit and a Puck on one team. GLHF.

6. Fighting for Bounty Rune




 7. Lose first blood

Because you were fighting for that Bounty Rune.

8. Wins one team fight



Most likely this will have been a coincidence because no one on your team actually listens to each other. Either way, this is a rare sighting unless you’re playing with your crew.

9. Initiate all chat trash talk



You’ve just destroyed the other team and now you have won the rights to brag about it with your 8k MMR.

10. Initiate Allies trash talk




After a while you start to remember that you are playing with 1.5k MMR players who have no idea what they’re doing.

11. Blame it on the la-a-aa-ag

Either you’re playing like trash but your pride is telling you not to confess that you made a mistake or PLDT please.

12. Your opponents are now ‘fat’




Because of that mid-fail, the other team is now too OP for you to stop. At this point you might as well be calling GG.

13. Racks on racks on racks

You wait in your base as your racks get taken one by one and you can’t do anything about it.

14. GG

You wonder why you ever started to play this game in the first place, think about the 50 minutes you’ve just wasted only for you to lose, and make you remember that not everyone in this world is as perfect as you.

15. Find match again

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