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"Dear Rod" is a brand new segment designed by the Winston team in which anonymous readers send their deepest dilemmas and most worrisome woes to BSM's very own Dr. Phil, Mr. Peñalosa. Here are a few of our first submissions:
Dear Rod,
School has been really intense lately and I'm afraid that I won't be able to keep up. My parents also have very high expectations of me and I am scared to let them, and myself, down. It just sometimes gets annoying when people expect me to always get perfect scores so when I get a bad grade it feels even worse. What should I do?
First, make sure you do everything that is within your control. Make sure that you create a timetable for exam revisions and homework deadlines; prioritize your deadlines; do your best to get at least 8 hours of sleep; spend between 3-4 hours on your revisions with a 5 minute break every 30 minutes. If certain subjects are too difficult, then speak to your parents about getting a tutor for academic support. If you can honestly say to yourself that you have done everything within your means to prepare for a test and meet deadlines then you have done your best. Let yourself feel good about that!
Also, please talk to your parents about the stress and your fear of disappointing them. They're not always aware of your thoughts and feelings, and maybe by letting them know what you think you’ll allow them to help you out, if not just understand where you’re coming from. Furthermore, talk about your stress to your teacher, the counselor, or an adult figure in your life whom you trust and have good rapport with. When you don't verbalize the thoughts and feelings that are causing the stress, they become larger and could become even more problematic.
Dear Rod,
I have just broken up with my girlfriend, but she still keeps talking to me. Her best friend has also started talking to me too since the break up and I have felt a rift between the two friends since. I don't want to break up a friendship but I think I like this new girl. How should I tell my ex that I like her best friend?
You need to figure out for yourself what is more important to you. If you pursue the best friend, both she and you will have to be aware of the consequences of your choice to date each other, including strain it will place on the friendship between the two girls. Make sure that both of you will be willing to endure whatever may come up, and believe that your relationship is worth it.
Regarding how to tell your ex about liking her best friend, you just have to be honest but gentle. Definitely refrain from making any points of comparison between the two girls.
Dear Rod,
I've got a great group of friends, but whenever we hang out we seem to talk about the same things and I'm getting quite tired of going to the same places all the time. At the same time, I don't want to hurt their feelings because they really value our 'traditions.' What new things would be good to try? And, more importantly, how do I get them to open their minds?
I would like to think that you hang out with your friends because you have shared and common interests. You're an important part of your social group, so make suggestions and express your own ideas about doing things that everyone can participate in and enjoy. Ask everyone in the group to share their ideas as well about something fun, enjoyable, and appropriate to your age that you can all try over the weekend or during term breaks. Keep it simple.
If you'd like to submit your own Dear Rod dilemma, send your dilemmas HERE (don't worry, it's completely anonymous - even we won't know who you are)
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